Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Non-Review: Funky Dreams
Had a funky dream last night that I was with some sort of team of researchers walking the whole length of the western bulge of Africa, which appeared to be a nearly endless stretch of desert beach with a big cliff on one side leading to the Sahara, with a few places where the cliff dips down and makes climbable sand hills that lead to the desert, and eventually we found the remains of some ancient king or something, and it was some wierd Indiana Jones-ish thing. Wierd.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Movie Review: Iron Man
Before you read this review, please go through the following checklist:
1) Do you hate superhero movies with a really strong, really really boring moral message?
2) Do you hate superhero movies with sappy main characters who act like Elijah Wood *shudder* could act circles around them?
3) Do you think robots are awesome?
4) Do you think that robots could still be awesome if they had awesome actors who played awesome people (who were technically superheroes but still liked hookers, hot rods, beer, explosions, and had more money than God?) inside of them?
5) Would that robot still be awesome if it fired laser-like bursts of flame and explosives and looked really cool?
6) Most importantly, what if we were to pit this robot against terrorists, tanks, and another more powerful giant robot?
If you answered "yes" to all of these questions, you've basically qualified as someone I would hang out with maybe. If questions 3 through 6 all seem like they would be fantastic in some sort of, oh, I don't know... movie, or something, then you're correct. They're all awesome things. And guess what? They're all in Iron Man. And don't worry, it's totally free of 1 and 2. Let's run down the list, shall we?
First of all, it's an established scientific fact that the following things which appear in this movie are all awesome:
- AC/DC
- Goatees that actually enhance your appearance instead of making you look like an asshole
- Robots... made out of gold titanium-alloy or something and painted gold and red
- Lasers, Flamethrowers, Robot Punches, Flying, Sticky Bombs, Etc.
- Beer
- Private jets with pole-dancing stewardesses
- Heroes that don't still wet the bed or feel that their powers are somehow some sort of burden
- Cyborgs
Robert Downey Jr. has done an outstandingly awesome movie, and this time you won't be disappointed. Iron Man is definitely the most awesome superhero-genre movie to come out since Transformers, and these two movies are the best of the best. There's not a lot of things that can get me to go see a movie that don't involve robots with cool weapons. Downey Jr. basically exhales cool in this one, and for ONCE Marvel doesn't get up its own ass with morals and all that. Of course, that's not to say that Tony Stark doesn't say that he isn't doing this to protect people, but you get the feeling that he's doing this because he's pissed for being kidnapped and tortured by fictional terrorists, and the fact that he gets to beat them up using no less than a cooler-than-you'll-ever-be robotic suit with a computerized butler build right in. It's no Spider-Man 3, thank God ("I forgive you!" "No, I forgive you!").
The basic premise is this: Tony Stark is the gajillionaire CEO of Stark Industries, a weapons manufacturing company built by his father, who was apparently also really cool. Anyways, he inherited the company and is now winning eight awards a second and got onto the cover of Wired magazine, cornering the geek market as well. He builds engines and can construct his own missiles himself, making him almost solely responsible for his fortune and all that noise. On a trip to Iraq... or Iran... Or some middle-eastern country with US troops in it, he is kidnapped by a group of terrorists who come from all over Asia, and told to build one of his new missiles that can basically spray an area with a bunch of little missiles. Naturally he instead builds a shoddy-looking but effective iron suit and powers it with a glowing spark-plug like thing (an arc reactor, a fictional but cool source of power) which also keeps shrapnel out of his chest. He of course escapes in twenty minutes after getting into the suit, and promptly is rescued, goes home, and shuts down the weapons section of his company. This ticks a lot of people off, prompting the rumor that he's suffering from PTS. The only logical thing to do? Go and build an advanced version of the suit you escaped the terrorists from. Getting revenge on the terrorists ensues. Finally, Stark's right-hand man (who incidentally paid the terrorists to kill him) gets ahold of the original suit, and makes a bigger, badder-looking version of it to be flown by himself. To do so, he steals the new version of the spark-plug like thing that Stark build to power the new suit, and so Stark has to fight his right-hand man (who has gone basically insane) with only a little bit of power. At the very end of the movie, he just comes right out and reveals that he is indeed Iron Man to the general public, immediately after which some Osbourne starts playing over the credits. Rock.
In case you just missed my entire review of this thing, the basic rundown is that this movie is awesome and if you're like me you'll like it. If you're not, it's your loss. Final verdict? As I've said far too many times in this post, this is one awesome movie.
1) Do you hate superhero movies with a really strong, really really boring moral message?
2) Do you hate superhero movies with sappy main characters who act like Elijah Wood *shudder* could act circles around them?
3) Do you think robots are awesome?
4) Do you think that robots could still be awesome if they had awesome actors who played awesome people (who were technically superheroes but still liked hookers, hot rods, beer, explosions, and had more money than God?) inside of them?
5) Would that robot still be awesome if it fired laser-like bursts of flame and explosives and looked really cool?
6) Most importantly, what if we were to pit this robot against terrorists, tanks, and another more powerful giant robot?
If you answered "yes" to all of these questions, you've basically qualified as someone I would hang out with maybe. If questions 3 through 6 all seem like they would be fantastic in some sort of, oh, I don't know... movie, or something, then you're correct. They're all awesome things. And guess what? They're all in Iron Man. And don't worry, it's totally free of 1 and 2. Let's run down the list, shall we?
First of all, it's an established scientific fact that the following things which appear in this movie are all awesome:
- AC/DC
- Goatees that actually enhance your appearance instead of making you look like an asshole
- Robots... made out of gold titanium-alloy or something and painted gold and red
- Lasers, Flamethrowers, Robot Punches, Flying, Sticky Bombs, Etc.
- Beer
- Private jets with pole-dancing stewardesses
- Heroes that don't still wet the bed or feel that their powers are somehow some sort of burden
- Cyborgs
Robert Downey Jr. has done an outstandingly awesome movie, and this time you won't be disappointed. Iron Man is definitely the most awesome superhero-genre movie to come out since Transformers, and these two movies are the best of the best. There's not a lot of things that can get me to go see a movie that don't involve robots with cool weapons. Downey Jr. basically exhales cool in this one, and for ONCE Marvel doesn't get up its own ass with morals and all that. Of course, that's not to say that Tony Stark doesn't say that he isn't doing this to protect people, but you get the feeling that he's doing this because he's pissed for being kidnapped and tortured by fictional terrorists, and the fact that he gets to beat them up using no less than a cooler-than-you'll-ever-be robotic suit with a computerized butler build right in. It's no Spider-Man 3, thank God ("I forgive you!" "No, I forgive you!").
The basic premise is this: Tony Stark is the gajillionaire CEO of Stark Industries, a weapons manufacturing company built by his father, who was apparently also really cool. Anyways, he inherited the company and is now winning eight awards a second and got onto the cover of Wired magazine, cornering the geek market as well. He builds engines and can construct his own missiles himself, making him almost solely responsible for his fortune and all that noise. On a trip to Iraq... or Iran... Or some middle-eastern country with US troops in it, he is kidnapped by a group of terrorists who come from all over Asia, and told to build one of his new missiles that can basically spray an area with a bunch of little missiles. Naturally he instead builds a shoddy-looking but effective iron suit and powers it with a glowing spark-plug like thing (an arc reactor, a fictional but cool source of power) which also keeps shrapnel out of his chest. He of course escapes in twenty minutes after getting into the suit, and promptly is rescued, goes home, and shuts down the weapons section of his company. This ticks a lot of people off, prompting the rumor that he's suffering from PTS. The only logical thing to do? Go and build an advanced version of the suit you escaped the terrorists from. Getting revenge on the terrorists ensues. Finally, Stark's right-hand man (who incidentally paid the terrorists to kill him) gets ahold of the original suit, and makes a bigger, badder-looking version of it to be flown by himself. To do so, he steals the new version of the spark-plug like thing that Stark build to power the new suit, and so Stark has to fight his right-hand man (who has gone basically insane) with only a little bit of power. At the very end of the movie, he just comes right out and reveals that he is indeed Iron Man to the general public, immediately after which some Osbourne starts playing over the credits. Rock.
In case you just missed my entire review of this thing, the basic rundown is that this movie is awesome and if you're like me you'll like it. If you're not, it's your loss. Final verdict? As I've said far too many times in this post, this is one awesome movie.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Music Review: "The Best of the Steve Miller Band 1974-1978"
Alright, picked this little baby up after seeing an empty case for it. I'm a gigantic Steve Miller Band fan, to tell you the truth. I get a lot of it from my dad, who introduced them to me when I was literally a baby. I don't remember much, but apparently I was a huge fan of them when I was a young kid. That hasn't changed in the slightest. Let's get to it:
There is not a single bad song on this entire album. Not one bad song. Granted, it's a "Best Of" and I'm a huge fan, so there may be some bias there, but if that is the case then it's useless to say that my opinion isn't valid, because I'm a fan because I listen to their music and enjoy it. Phew. Anyways! This thing doesn't even need to be compiled in any certain order, because they're all "up" songs; they all work with eachother in any order you put them in. This album is fantastic, I mean it. All of your favorites from some of their best years. These are all the ones they're remembered for and some they aren't, but they're all equally cool (even if the lyrics in "Take the Money and Run" are sort of dumb).
Overall Rating: 9.5/10
"It would be 10 if only I didn't know that there must be something out there that would be better than this, but so far I haven't found much in that department. Better than Steve Miller? Bull."
There is not a single bad song on this entire album. Not one bad song. Granted, it's a "Best Of" and I'm a huge fan, so there may be some bias there, but if that is the case then it's useless to say that my opinion isn't valid, because I'm a fan because I listen to their music and enjoy it. Phew. Anyways! This thing doesn't even need to be compiled in any certain order, because they're all "up" songs; they all work with eachother in any order you put them in. This album is fantastic, I mean it. All of your favorites from some of their best years. These are all the ones they're remembered for and some they aren't, but they're all equally cool (even if the lyrics in "Take the Money and Run" are sort of dumb).
Overall Rating: 9.5/10
"It would be 10 if only I didn't know that there must be something out there that would be better than this, but so far I haven't found much in that department. Better than Steve Miller? Bull."
Music Review: "Franz Ferdinand"
I was recently tipped off about Franz Ferdinand by a friend of mine, and got to hear a little of their debut album, "Franz Ferdinand," and what I heard was good enough to get me to go out and spend $17.99 on a new one for myself. Here's what I found:
The album itself starts off quite strong. Jacqueline, though by far not their best song, shows off their style: Slow sometimes, but the pace picks up. Then they come in with their best all in a row, giving us "Tell Her Tonight," "Take Me Out," and "The Dark of the Matinée" are all fantastic songs. You're able to dance to them or just slowly take them in as you would any other really good, really british, really indie song. The album starts to simmer down a teensy bit and get into a sort of median flow in the middle, but most of them still have catchy beats to them. Towards the end, it starts to pick up the pace again, which can be good or bad, depending on how you're feeling by that point. Personally, I've found that they can really easily get stuck in your head.
They're all very heavily British-sounding songs as well, but it's actually rather important that they have that and that they are British, because honestly, I don't know if an American band would be able to pull something like this off. The British indie rock scene is where these guys belong, and nowhere else. But even if this seems like a restrictive label, don't misconstrue my comments; they have become experienced experts in their genre overnight, it seems.
Overall grade: 8.5/10
"Not the best, but more than listenable"
The album itself starts off quite strong. Jacqueline, though by far not their best song, shows off their style: Slow sometimes, but the pace picks up. Then they come in with their best all in a row, giving us "Tell Her Tonight," "Take Me Out," and "The Dark of the Matinée" are all fantastic songs. You're able to dance to them or just slowly take them in as you would any other really good, really british, really indie song. The album starts to simmer down a teensy bit and get into a sort of median flow in the middle, but most of them still have catchy beats to them. Towards the end, it starts to pick up the pace again, which can be good or bad, depending on how you're feeling by that point. Personally, I've found that they can really easily get stuck in your head.
They're all very heavily British-sounding songs as well, but it's actually rather important that they have that and that they are British, because honestly, I don't know if an American band would be able to pull something like this off. The British indie rock scene is where these guys belong, and nowhere else. But even if this seems like a restrictive label, don't misconstrue my comments; they have become experienced experts in their genre overnight, it seems.
Overall grade: 8.5/10
"Not the best, but more than listenable"
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